HIGH GEAR/SEPTEMBER 1977

DOES FAMILIAR SEX BREED INDIFFERENCE?

By John Nosek

Thesis: After an initial period of physical infatuation, the recipient of one's sexual desires becomes less and less

appealing so that in time one will have little or no physical interest in him/her, though this may not necessarily effect the intensity of emotional feelings one directs toward that person.

Antithesis: Any relationship begins with emotional and physical infatuation. Once it is realized there is a solid foundation for continued expression of mutual feelings, the emotional becomes traditionally less romantic but more practical and the sexual into experimentation. Though in time, sexual activity may become less frequent, the attraction is still present.

can

involve

C.A. Tripp in his recent . literary effort The Homosexual Matrix briefly states his opinion that sexual familiarity breeds indifference. The premise is an interesting one and warrants further investigation and scientific research. What follows is some speculation on the subject.

All of us remember the first mental fantasy or photograph we masturbated to. Many of us still retain them, though we may

not use them as frequently. Yet, markedly, there are few of us, if any, who have not expanded our available erotic resources... Whether it's purchasing the latest Playgirl, visualizing a new twist to an old scenario or just going out to try someone new each of us consciously pursues

sexual variety.

Now if we apply this same precept to a lover, we find that within a month we will have been able to explore every inch of our lover's body from the underside of his toenails to the depths of his belly button. It is true, we can experiment with a number of positions and act out an assortment of fantasies, but these are finite and will in time become repetitious and routine, much like our first pornographic photo fantasy.

Thus far, it might be assumed that we have discussed only the sexual sphere of our interactions. The dualism between sexuality and emotional feelings are often exaggerated and used by some to justify sex for sex's sake. It is my contention that there is no difference between the two. Even sex for sex's sake involves emotional input, for in a one night stand, communication between the participants demands mental feelings. The sharing of selves can never be

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objective.

·

Even here. emotional familiarity between two lovers has its limits. Whether one lives with another or not, he comes to know the other person where he stands on philosophical issues, how predictable his behavior is, what his goals, Interests and fears are, and what learn from his

one can knowledge.

No one person can fulfill another's complete needs and expectations. Our first friend may enjoy fellatio and conversation

about con.

and

temporary art, but may hate anal intercourse and discussion of politics. Another friend may enjoy psychological analyses, love anal intercourse, but may dislike or know little of art and rimming. If we appreciate all of these activities conversations, we find it necessary to include both friends and lovers in our lives. Indeed, the most glaring weakness of monogamous relationships is the assumption that two "lovers" must do and think everything together, regardless of individual interests or inclinations. The rigidity of such a pattern can only result in a routine and stagnation which may prove irretirevably disastrous at worse and at least gnawingly unfulfilling. For

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surely, growth cannot exist in an environment where, all one's stimuli and responses are the same.

What we often fail to realize about our relationships with others is that they are all mathematical and based on physics in all its glorious energy. There exist self-created givens which we are willing to exert and that may or may not be received by others. There are also unknown variables which may or may not be solved. To form the proper equations for our own happiness is a relentless pursuit ultimately manifests itself in a series of linked moments. Once factors are either withdrawn or added from the process, the course of our interactions is likewise modified. Unfortunately, many of us do not tap into all the operations we hold at our disposal and trudge down the same runway, simply utilizing the same variable combination.

which

So where are we? We face an ever-present dilemma. On the one hand, we find the need for security is fulfilled through a relationship with that special someone. While on the other hand, the press for autonomous self-expression and subsequent independence from others runs counter to our hallowed niche of monogamous bliss. The ideal state, perhaps, is to make all

"DON'T YOU THINK THATS A LITTLE UHH... EXTREME MRS BRYANT? BIBLE SAYS.... ... NOT AT ALL TOM, THE

PAGE 13

one's friends lovers and to transform all one's lovers into friends. But, this, of course, assumes that one is highly selfactualized and indeed, willing to take risks. Still, in the face of boredom, excessive routine or stagnation, to reach out is almost essential for one's selfimage and Integrated stability.

Does sexual familarity breed indefference? In my estimation, yes, however, that does not imply the necessary exclusion of one lover for another. If all channels of communication are open and mutually free flowing. bringing in knowledge and experiences of others into one's original relationship can only strengthen it. Indeed, after having sexual contacts with others, one gains additional appreciation for his regular sex partner just by the very fact that he was able to have those other sexual contacts without coming back to a harrowing, dramatic jealousy scene. Selfactualized gays have known this for decades. Modern heterosexuals are just now beginning to realize it...

Those gays who feel secure in a polygamous / promiscuous lifestyle would not say that familiarity breeds indifference; but rather that familiarity breeds, if anything, more familiarity and the potential for indifference. breeds indifference.

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